Women and booze: what’s it really doing to us?

Why do we drink alcohol? It’s become such a normal part of many of our lives that we may not have stopped to ask ourselves that question. But it’s something we should possibly reflect on as we settle into a summer of socialising and relaxing.

 The reasons for not drinking alcohol are well rehearsed; I’ve certainly written about them many times. You know them, I’m sure. Here’s a potted version of alcohol’s health impacts, in bullet point form, for the record:

-       Alcohol is a Group 1 carcinogen (the same group as tobacco and asbestos); linked with at least nine different cancers

-       Alcohol consumption puts us at higher risk of a range of diseases including heart disease, type 2 diabetes and liver disease

-       Alcohol puts us at higher risk of accidents, both in and outside the home

-       Alcohol interferes with our sleep and our moods, having a detrimental effect on both

-       Alcohol is a sure-fire way to pack on weight; a 150ml glass (that’s fairly small) of white wine has roughly the same kilojoules as two and a half Gingernuts or one Tim Tam.

 We know all this, and yet we still drink. Why?

 I chatted to my friend, nutritionist Claire Turnbull, about this recently. She says there’s a powerful psychological reason women drink, and that social media, and society in general, has a lot to answer for. She reckons drinking has become a ‘social glue’ among women; a thing that connects us together.

 “Alcohol among women has become the normal coping strategy for difficult situations”, she says.  

 “There's two things. One, it changes the way you feel; and two, the conversation around it makes you feel connected and understood.

 “When you talk to another woman about alcohol, there is a mutual understanding and a humour that is shared. It's exactly the same as kids…at the moment my son is trading Pokemon cards in the playground, and it's a connection thing. If he didn't have these cards, he wouldn't be part of what's normal within his group”.

 We’ve all seen – or been part of – the ‘mum drinking’ or ‘wine mums’ memes. They’re all over social media. ‘The most expensive part of being a mom is all the wine you have to drink’; or ‘Tonight’s forecast: 99% chance of wine’. 

 “The mum thing”, says Claire, “is unreal. It's the social norm in our society for coping with parenting as a woman.”

 Social media plays a big part here. Claire says the increased connectivity has made alcohol something that binds mums together and makes them feel understood.

 “It's so shit, but at least we can drink, right?  Which is ironic because basically it messes with your sleep and it makes you depressed”.

 The connection thing is powerful. Many women feel like they’ve lost their identity with motherhood.

 “Every single aspect of your life changes”, says Claire. “You lose yourself, your job changes, your relationships change, your friendships change.”

 And sometimes “the one thing that is easily accessible, affordable, changes the way you feel and relaxes you is alcohol. And the social conversation around it has reinforced that.”

 This gives licence to some drinking behaviour that’s verging on problematic. Claire cites women pouring wine into a mug to drink while the kids are in the bath in the early evening.

“My friends and I joke about how we find all our wine glasses in the bathroom”, she says.

 “Why? Because women are working; because we’ve had to deal with that shit. We've been up in the middle of the night. We have not had all day to ourselves.

 What’s the feeling women are chasing in that bathtime moment?

 “You're doing something for yourself in a moment where nothing else is possible. What is the one thing that you can do while children are in the bath or screaming? You can't take yourself off for five minutes to be mindful. Anyone who tells you you can is lying.

 “What you can do is put wine in a mug and drink it in the bathroom. And it changes the way you feel. And your friend is texting at the same time telling you it's okay. You've had a connected moment.”

 Women at other life stages will recognise the motivation at play here, too; women in stressful jobs or relationships for whom the wine or gin or beer is both coping strategy and connector with those around them.

 But assuming we’re not all that comfortable with this – or we don’t like the look of those bullet points – how can we gain control of that drinking impulse?

 “I guess the number one thing is being aware of what you're doing”, says Claire.

 “If you can just catch yourself in that moment of decision; if you can realise you've got a choice, you've got the power of a choice and actually the wine does not make me feel better”.

 “And I guess it's about thinking: what are you not getting? What are you giving up by drinking like that? What is the cost of it to you?

 “The main one is the sleep. I do not think people realise the disruption on the level of their sleep with alcohol. Absolutely I do not.

 “Many women will say, ‘God, if I could just sleep more’ – but they do not realize the alcohol actually makes you agitated and anxious and creates all the negative mental well-being things that then drive the behaviour.”

 But even if we know all that, we still need a coping mechanism to replace the alcohol.

 “It might be, you know, breathing through it”, says Claire. “Or it might be having something else instead, knowing it's not going to make you feel the same, but being aware of how you want to feel. That’s important because the whole thing of saying ‘have kombucha or water instead’ doesn't solve the root of the problem. That has to come from inside you.”

 It’s taken her years, Claire says, to get to a point where she drinks very little; something she’s chosen because of the anxiety alcohol gives her. For myself, I’m at that point because I can’t cope with hangovers (yet another bummer about aging and perimenopause is that they hit much harder) and any more than two or three drinks makes me highly unproductive the next day. I feel vastly better when I don’t drink.

 Whatever your decision around drinking – and it might be you don’t want or need to change – make it a conscious one.

There’s a lot more on alcohol and menopause in This Changes Everything, in chapter 9: Bellies and booze: weight gain, belly fat, nutrition, exercise and alcohol.